Sunday, December 10, 2006

Biscuits and Gravy

A note to a good Friend of mine, on 'the other side of the pond'.

You are, and will always be, a sincerely, deeply valued friend and greatly respected by me. However, there exists here some confusion which, for the sake of peace and harmony between our two great nations, must be resolved as quickly as possible...

There is no other kind of gravy than brown.

This is why most English people will spontaneously lose their breakfasts when they hear the phrase 'Biscuits and Gravy'.

It is, I think, easy to understand why the concept of pouring one over the other is utterly repulsive.

Now, I was presented with 'Biscuits and Gravy' during a visit to a 'southern fried chicken' establishment in 'Knotts Berry Farm' - an LA theme park. The anticipation of this event inspired in me a horror I dare not, even years later, dwell upon. However, the actual experience was (though terrifying in its own right) not quite as bad. What was actually placed in front of me was a plate containing what appeared to be a form of savoury scone (recognised as a legitimate food item in British culinary circles, but nonetheless despised in mine own household) generously anointed in some kind of lumpy cream-like substance. Clearly a sauce, but in no stretch of the imagination a gravy.

The phrase 'biscuts and gravy' (and indeed, just 'gravy') is therefore in my prime English<->American translation dictionary along with Bum, Fag, Fanny, Boot, Bonnet and president[1].

[1] A type of cheese, from France.

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