1) The larger a person is, the more likely they are to be standing in front of you.
2) The larger a person is, the more likely they are to be leaving after your stop.
3) If you enter an empty lift in which someone has recently broken wind, you will be joined at its next stop by someone you have a burning need to impress.
4) If you want a lift to yourself, get in and face away from the doors. This unnerves people, and they will leave as soon as possible rather than risk sharing the space with a nutcase.
5) The majority of lifts in the town of Redding are manufactured by "Otis".
6) 15% of English people will snigger to thmselves when entering a lift manufactured by "Schindler" (think about it, it'll come to you)
Update: July 2007: We had some good comments added by people with their own Elevator Etiquette. My thanks to Tengrain, Ellroon and a couple of anonymous chums for these:
Axiomatic: when you enter an elevator, it is always going the direction you are not.
Etiquette tip: Always talk loudly on your cell phone while in the elevator. Bonus points for using the phrase, "The clinic says the rash will go away in three days. Now I have to call the others."
- The more you dislike the person you are riding with, the slower the elevator moves.
- The more you are in a hurry, the higher the percentage is the elevator is broken.
- If you are pushing a wheelchair, a trolley, a wheeled suitcase, it is guarranteed the elevator will not rise completely to be level with the floor.
Things to do in an elevator:
- When you are in the elevator, stare at your watch, counting down under your breath. Then start hopping frantically while shouting 4..3...2...1...
- Have your gloves talk to each other.
- Take off one shoe and look carefully inside. Then call a pet's name.
- Look at the Otis nameplate in the elevator and then start telling people long-winded detailed stories about your perverted Uncle Otis and his chickens. Never get to the point.
- Cover your face with a napkin or handkerchief and sob loudly throughout the ride. No one will be able to talk.
Rule #1: Do not EVER get on an elevator with Amy when you have a banana in your hands! EVER!