What I Didnt Expect to Miss...

A friend told me a joke the other day about a bloke who has a very strange medical condition. Apparently, ever time this fellow breaks wind, his posterior clearly announces the name of a Japanese car and motorycycle manufacturer. Which reminds me that I kind of promised my wife I wouldn't write this in the blog. So here it is...

Commitments to the corporate behemoth which currently holds the deeds to what might possibly be referred to as my 'soul' had resulted in me bouncing back to the 'City by the Bay' for a few weeks before I had even had time to unpack my bag from the last trip.

'Dont you miss your family?' people ask me, and well, yes - I do. But I can always speak to them on the phone, though the dog's not quite so communicative and he has to go last, otherwise whoever has the phone after him ends up getting their ear glued to it with puppy-drool. (Note, this stuff really deserves scientific investigation. Once, when raiding the fridge in the early hours of the morning, I stubbed my toe on half a 'Winalot' which had been effectively welded to the ceramic tiles in the kitchen by this self-same puppy-drool. In the morning, after I had applied a large number of band-aids to the vicious wound that was left by this freak accident, I actually had to chip the errant dog-biscuit off the floor with a cold chisel. I'm telling you, a couple of dabs of dog dribble on that space shuttle foam, and it aint coming off to hit no wing, no way.)

Anyway, that's all the free advice NASA is getting from me today, and back to the point. Smack bang in the middle of an entirely lovey-dovey conversation with the beloved Mrs the other day, there came down the phonelines a clearly audible 'ThhhRRRRRRRp' as I assume that last night's baked beans must have finally caught up with the good lady. Immediately thereafter came a shrill 'peep peep peep' noise, which went on for a very long time.

Now the good lady swears that both sounds were the result of the tumble dryer announcing the completion of its allotted task, but I'm fairly certain that in reality she'd farted and set the smoke alarm off.

I cried with laughter. Honest. Oh yeah, the bloke with the complaint I started with had an abcess. Apparently, Abcess makes the fart go Honda.