Sunday, May 15, 2011

How Not to be Deluged by Lobsters



Have you ever wondered why you never notice that something’s become a habit until someone points it out?  Think about it for a minute - you spend years practicing something completely harmless, like saying the word “Burp” while belching, for example, only to absent mindedly perform in the middle of the office one day and cause your colleagues to look at you “in that way”…  It’s perhaps fortunate (for me and any potential witnesses) that I have never become unconsciously competent at aping Le Pétomane’s rendition of La Marseillaise.


My pal Pete "Codger" Cogle (from PC Podcast) and I were in “The Sussex” when we discovered the latest ‘thing’ that we do regularly enough for it to be called a habit is to attend the Great Escape festival in Brighton. And yes, it was pointed out to us in startling fashion when the barmaid greeted us with “you were here last year, weren’t you?”  How on earth does she remember two blokes who turn up once a year and get mildly sloshed?  Please don’t tell me that this might be the only place I’ve ever successfully farted the French National anthem, because I really hope I could remember something like that!


Anyway, to the unusually serious point of this post.  It's more than likely that you're reading this in the interwebby thing, and so its a fair bet that you're Facebooked, a member of the Twitterati and no stranger to the world of internet commerce.  Do you know what Clickjacking is?  Put simply, its one of the latest ways of having your information stolen, or your computer/account hijacked to do something you didn't intend.  This might have consequences as simple as you posting on all your friends' Facebook walls something like "OMG, my ex-keeps checking out my profile!" or a little more complicated, like sending your bank account passwords to a bunch of intergalactic hackers from the planet Zog.  Its hard to explain, so I'm not going to bother; see wikipedia.


I did try to explain to Codger in the pub, though; "It's like pressing the Espresso button on the coffee machine at work, and instead of being served a lukewarm cup of something that's nearly coffee, you actually get hit by a deluge of lobsters". We obviously weren't the only folk to find the lure of the beer in there to be impossible to resist because just then we were approached by a fellow #tge'er, doubtless attracted by our dayglo writsbands, and most definitely feeling no pain. "Were you guys planning who to see tonight?"  Well, we had been planning to, before I got sidetracked into the murky world of internet toeraggery, and "Deluged by Lobsters" would be SUCH a good name for a band.  I'm afraid I did tell a few little while lies before we supped up and parted ways...


So it only remains for me to apply to stage my own brand new concept show (a flatulent execution, in every sense of the word, of the greatest hits of Abba) at next year’s event, and to apologise to the poor fella who trundled beerily away from Codger and me late on that afternoon of the first day determined to see the superb New Zealand based “Deluged By Lobsters” perform tracks from their Psychedelic album “Drenched in Reverb” at a secret street gig…

And if you want a little more about The Great Escape, can I recommend Pete's Podcast, Episode #350?

7 comments:

Steve Murphy said...

Where did you say "Deluged by Lobsters" were playing next - I've got to go see them - and yes I've been had on facebook but as yet not bank account "had" - here's ever cautious :)

The Grumbler said...

Steve, I am currently trying to get every band I meet to change their name... I'll let you know. Meanwhile, if you like unusual music, check this out: http://jordanreyne.com/ from an amazing artist we met at the festival (who describes her work as bloodthirsty Celtic industrial).

Steve Murphy said...

I like the sound of bloodthirsty Celtic industrial :) I'll check it later when I'm back at home - nice to see you're alive and blogging ;)

The Grumbler said...

Cheers Steve. You should also check out the podcast - I'd hazard a guess you'd have enjoyed the fella we saw on the Saturday night. Satire & poetry... Hmmm, John Cooper Clarke ring any bells for ye?

rod said...

I'm struck by the phrase "the only place I’ve ever successfully farted the French National anthem", especially the adverb therein.

Does this mean that in hostelries in and around TGE, the air has frequently been filled with your unsuccessful attempts to do the same?

What are the criteria for success, anyway? Stamina? Longevity? Not going flat in the third bar from the end? Failing to salute?

I think we should be told.

The Grumbler said...

Well, Rod, I think we can safely assume (if not attest) that an unsuccessful attempt was probably the inspiration behind the theme tune for the popular UK Children's Cartoon called Roobarb - the story of an innocent green dog who was constantly mentlly abused by the pink cat (Custard) living next door.

aka Don Butler said...

Is there any way to turn click jacking off? There again, isn't that a computer porn-related activity?