I hope something silly happens to you...

Soul-searching can be fruitless when you're a heathen, but a recent bout has reminded me why I started blogging, long ago. It was primarily to have some fun, and hopefully to make some other people laugh in the process.

Looking back on 2010 it seems that, while it had its moments, it was generally short on fun and laughs. Not just for me, but for family, friends and a bunch of people I'd never have heard of if I hadn't read of their various misfortunes on the interweb. Maybe that's why I only posted twelve times, or maybe I could have had more fun if I had posted more often. There's an idea worth exploring...

I think I've also been quite cautious (you may find that hard to believe) about what I post. I don't want to accidentally upset anyone (deliberately upsetting someone is another matter) and there's been much made in the news recently that whatever you put into the public domain these days will hang around to haunt you till the day you die.  Maybe so, but it will be more fun making a couple of mistakes than worrying so much that nothing ever gets written about.

Now, I'm hoping that there will be considerably more enjoyment and hilarity in 2011 than there was last year, but its no use me just moping around and waiting for it to happen. I've got to make it happen, and then blog about it. And if I cant make something happen, I'm going to lie and say that I did anyway.

Oddly, when I've re-read some of the posts which I know I pretty much spun around what might have been a grain of truth, or was more likely a speck of dirt, I can almost remember the events as if they actually occurred. I think that's weird psychology, though maybe a reader who knows better might tell me it isn't. That's going to be unlikely, though, because I suspect the only person that reads this is Floyd and, since he's a dog, he only bothers to read it when there's no decent action on the Animal Planet channel which as previously mentioned in these pages, he regards as pet-porn.

So, here are some rules for the blog in 2011.

• I'm going to post more. This isn't a new years resolution, because I only make those to experience the fierce joy of breaking them in the first week of  January. (As an example, I firmly resolved last night to give up drinking for a month, and am consequently looking forward to opening a bottle of wine in an hour or two.
• I'm not going to plagiarise, but I may allow myself to be heavily influenced by the likes of Catweazle, Reginald Perrin, Father Jack Hackett, Rowley Birkin, alcohol and excessive cheese consumption immediately prior to bedtime.
• I refuse to be constrained by fact. In the past year I've literally fallen over and hurt myself on evidence that facts have no place in government policy, the justice system, the Daily Mail or business process engineering, so I'll be damned if I'm going to spend time checking for accuracy and veracity. So, if I need a statistic, I'm going to invent one, just as 98.7% of statisticians already do on a daily basis.
• The opinions expressed by the Grumbler (who doesn't exist, and therefore cant be negatively affected by them) are not necessarily shared by his alter ego (who, to his enduring disgust, is required to earn a living). In fact, they probably aren't actually genuine opinions at all, being largely expounded for little more than cheap comic effect. I may contradict myself - consistency is for wimps.
• I hope you're not offended by what you might read here. (Unless you're the twelve year-old big-eared, smelly, stupid and fat pizza-faced copper who tried to nick me for speeding the other day, in which case I fervently hope that the fleas of a thousand camels infest your underclothing. Frankly, I doubt you could count to eighty-five, let alone measure it, but I digress.)  Oh damn it,  actually, I don't really care if you are offended, as long as you are reading. There's a comment button. Use it.

In summary, then, I hope we all have a happy, prosperous and preposterous 2011.  If you're having one, mail me and tell me.  If you aren't, then mail me and lets make one up.